Sep

27

Our Club

Welcome to our club! We’re a bunch of trash talking, chain smoking, beer drinking hooligans that love football and soccer. We hail from Manchester United and if we aren’t smashing cars and mail boxes after our team loses, we’re drinking until we pass out. There’s nothing better than spending your Saturday afternoon drunk in a smoky pub. The UK has a tradition of being a bunch of drunken hooligans. After all, the Romans conquered us for that very reason. But now that our nanny state government is outlawing us to have plastic spoons (as they are seen as “offensive” weapons) and there’s a cctv camera on every street corner, we soccer fans need an outlet from all this madness.

Last week I forgot to renew me toilet license. I was on the toilet about to take a nice proper dump when the local UK Toilet Police peered into me bathroom window and asked to see my toilet license. I told him that I couldn’t afford to renew me toilet license as I had just paid an arm and a leg to renew my television license. The Constible let me off with a warning, but not without adding my name to a watchlist of potential trouble makers. I was very lucky that the officer did not see the spoon I had on my kitchen counter. I ate a bowl of cereal for breakfast and forgot to lock up the offensive spoon weapon in the pre-approved lockbox.

Living under a nanny state isn’t all that bad. I for one enjoy the relative lack of freedom we have here in the U.K. Not that it matters because you can usually find our club at the local pub, drinking pint after pint of some of England’s cheapest lager beer. Our club is currently accepting new members. However if you smoke cigarettes, you will not be allowed into our pub. So using coupons for Straight Talk you can find even more discounts and deals.

We are making a mandatory rule that all new members to our club learn how to vape. If you haven’t heard about “vaping” before, it’s an alternative to smoking cigarettes. We will be putting up a page where you can buy ecig paraphernalia on the internet, and have it delivered to your flat or house in time for the next soccer match.

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